Parenting Lily

This is just a blast off for another Monday morning when Lily singularly failed to come close to leaving on time. I was more pushy this morning, but careful not to sound angry with her.  Are you nearly ready to go? It's 8.15am How close are you? What's the hold up? Time to put your shoes on. We are trying some melatonin pills and although she says she gets to sleep quicker we see no change in the impulse to get up.  She was downstairs and putting shoes on at 9am (school starts at 8.40am) and then drifted into the kitchen to choose, segment and eat a tomato.  I told her that it looked like she had given up all pretense of trying to ever get to school on time.  I told her the later waking up time wasn't working (we are knocking on her door at 7.30am instead of 6.45am) - my alarm goes off at 7am she tells me.  Well, get up at 7am then, I say.  Then I reminded her about her exams.  I said, You will need to get into school at 8am for your exams, Mr R said s...

When we first arranged for Lucas to go to boarding school the psychologist who had been working with us for 2 years was thoughtful and a little reserved. Her greatest caution to us was to be wary of what changes we might see in Lily, as a result, not what might happen to Lucas.  She said that Lily may fill the chaotic void left behind - that she might play up in ways that keeps the home in that familiar 'fight mode' both because it's what feels 'right' to her and because she hasn't had a chance up to now.   It didn't happen then but I would say we never got a long enough respite without Lucas being at home/ being sent home / being out of school for Lily to make any adjustments. Now, however, things are properly different and yet, history is repeating itself and I feel us all falling down the same rabbit hole. I spoke to my brother about it.  I needed someone who knows us and Lily but also has a background in psychology.   Lily was being rude, nasty, manipul...

If I was feeling sharper I would elaborate on some physics metaphor for the motion, or lack of, that I see in Lily each day. She started this week of Easter holidays well and was happy with the 3 hours of work at 'revision school'.  I'm not hanging around trying to get her out of the door in the mornings so I know she is late but nevertheless, she makes it.  She did the same yesterday and then, you see, she was invited to the cinema with a friend.  It was a long film (Dune2).  She had the forethought to ask to go to an early evening showing and she was home by 9pm - all good.  Sadly, though, that meant the time to adjust to being home before she hands her phone in was too short.  Tears, accusations and I just knew she wouldn't make it out this morning.  It's like the primary school disco, buzzed up on flashing lights, sweets and unable to self-regulate.   She focuses on the phone and the fact we don't 'trust' her ( she also likes to remind us...