Skip to main content

Unsustainable momentum

If I was feeling sharper I would elaborate on some physics metaphor for the motion, or lack of, that I see in Lily each day.

She started this week of Easter holidays well and was happy with the 3 hours of work at 'revision school'.  I'm not hanging around trying to get her out of the door in the mornings so I know she is late but nevertheless, she makes it.  She did the same yesterday and then, you see, she was invited to the cinema with a friend.  It was a long film (Dune2).  She had the forethought to ask to go to an early evening showing and she was home by 9pm - all good.  Sadly, though, that meant the time to adjust to being home before she hands her phone in was too short.  Tears, accusations and I just knew she wouldn't make it out this morning.  It's like the primary school disco, buzzed up on flashing lights, sweets and unable to self-regulate.  

She focuses on the phone and the fact we don't 'trust' her ( she also likes to remind us how she's nearly 16 - er yes ) but if it wasn't the phone it would be something else.  She chose to sob while sitting on the landing, as husband and I went to bed.  In these moments she also likes to threaten not going to school or doing any of her exams.  I struggle to come to terms with this logic, it's exactly like her brother, and I guess it's the younger child speaking again.  I know now that she will leap on her verbal high horse if I engage with her and canter away for hours, flinging out jibes and barbs designed to make me feel guilty and hurt.  We left her to it and I think she was quiet by 11pm.

So will she fail to go to revision school three days in a row because

a) she went to the cinema on the evening of Day2?

b) she had to hand her phone in at 10pm that same night and was so distraught/dysregulated by this she was not able to compose herself by the morning?

c)she cannot manage 3 days of commitment in a row?

What do I think?  All of the above.


Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/gray-newton-s-cradle-in-close-up-photogaphy-60582/

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

there's always tomorrow

How do I break down the contradictions in Lily's idea of who she is versus what she does and how she shows herself to be? Yesterday she told us at dinner that she is having a competition with her best friend to see who can be the most tanned this Summer. Husband and I bit our tongues and merely nodded with interest. We wanted to say: "You do know that to get a tan you have to be up when the sun is up?" or "You do know that to get a tan you have to go outside?" But it was suddenly clear to me that in her head she was a completely different person - one who jumps around beaches with lithe brown limbs and lies back on picnic rugs with sand between her toes.  I remembered my own Baywatch-based alter-ego. My dream had always been to lose weight and magically change my coarse curly hair for one of those glossy bouncing pony-tails.  Those kinds of daydreams are precious at any time in our lives but especially for a teenager. So it was good that Husband and I didn't...

Flipping Days and Nights

I am almost certain that Lily did not go to bed last night. Despite all reminders and a day without any exams (and consequently not going to school) yesterday, she apparently forgot the deadline for the second art sketchbook which was today. She made it into her physics exam this morning but apparently nearly stopped and sought medical help because she said her vision was blurring.  She told me she might have an allergy, "that's what the medic said".  It's been pouring with rain for 48 hours.  I don't need to check the pollen count (but I do), it's low and she's never suffered particularly.  I don't think it's allergies I tell her. She shrugs and says she needs to have a lie down, she didn't get much sleep last night. She's decided she doesn't need the melatonin anymore and I think she's cramming all night, going to the exam first thing, home by midday and then sleeping till, well, I wake her up. She's eaten dinner with us the l...

Unceasing Character Assassination (UCA)

This is an unstoppable verbal torrent which contains some inciteful observations, some creative metaphors and lots of criticism, distain, incredulity and outrage. It is spoken with insistence and without a break.  There are almost no rhetorical questions that I can think of and most of it is therefore phrased as a definitive account of what 'you do' and what 'you think'. It comes after an argument/melt down and feels, at first, like something one should respect.  Both husband and I have experienced these and some instinct tell us there is merit in letting Lily get these things off her chest. There might be useful learning on both sides and an opportunity for us to acknowledge where we have made a mistake, or explain further why we said or did something that we did. The trouble is, it is very hard to get a word in edge ways and even less likely that what we say will be given any credence. Above all, there is no reduction in fervour.  If anything, she becomes more vindict...