Flipping Days and Nights

I am almost certain that Lily did not go to bed last night.

Despite all reminders and a day without any exams (and consequently not going to school) yesterday, she apparently forgot the deadline for the second art sketchbook which was today.

She made it into her physics exam this morning but apparently nearly stopped and sought medical help because she said her vision was blurring. She told me she might have an allergy, "that's what the medic said".

It's been pouring with rain for 48 hours. I don't need to check the pollen count (but I do), it's low and she's never suffered particularly. I don't think it's allergies I tell her.

She shrugs and says she needs to have a lie down, she didn't get much sleep last night.

She's decided she doesn't need the melatonin anymore and I think she's cramming all night, going to the exam first thing, home by midday and then sleeping till, well, I wake her up.

She's eaten dinner with us the last few days so at least I know she had some kind of nutrition and I've filled the fridge with mini-bites and yoghurts and smoothies.

But it worries me.

I used the term 'flipping his days' with Lucas because that's what it felt like he did with his gaming. Eventually we were able to identify it to him and he has worked out ways to get back to 'normal' when he needs to. I wonder if 'flipping' sounds too light as a term. To me it feels more important than that but I recognise that some people identify as 'night owls' and teenagers and autistic people in particular often prefer the night. Lily and I have discussed the attraction of the night for anyone with social anxiety because there are simply less expectations on you. There is a freedom and a secrecy, a lack of judgement.

They've given her an extension on the sketchbook hand in. Of course they have. Maybe she will be someone who always gets the benefit of the doubt, always gets the concession.

But also maybe it means she will go into another exam tomorrow morning unfit and unable to focus.

Photo by Frank Cone: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-of-owl-sitting-on-tree-15478143/

Comments

Unsustainable momentum

If I was feeling sharper I would elaborate on some physics metaphor for the motion, or lack of, that I see in Lily each day. She started this week of Easter holidays well and was happy with the 3 hours of work at 'revision school'. I'm not hanging around trying to get her out of the door in the mornings so I know she is late but nevertheless, she makes it. She did the same yesterday and then, you see, she was invited to the cinema with a friend. It was a long film (Dune2). She had the forethought to ask to go to an early evening showing and she was home by 9pm - all good. Sadly, though, that meant the time to adjust to being home before she hands her phone in was too short. Tears, accusations and I just knew she wouldn't make it out this morning. It's like the primary school disco, buzzed up on flashing lights, sweets and unable to self-regulate. She focuses on the phone and the fact we don't 'trust' her ( she also likes to remind us how she'

Learned behaviour

When we first arranged for Lucas to go to boarding school the psychologist who had been working with us for 2 years was thoughtful and a little reserved. Her greatest caution to us was to be wary of what changes we might see in Lily, as a result, not what might happen to Lucas. She said that Lily may fill the chaotic void left behind - that she might play up in ways that keeps the home in that familiar 'fight mode' both because it's what feels 'right' to her and because she hasn't had a chance up to now. It didn't happen then but I would say we never got a long enough respite without Lucas being at home/ being sent home / being out of school for Lily to make any adjustments. Now, however, things are properly different and yet, history is repeating itself and I feel us all falling down the same rabbit hole. I spoke to my brother about it. I needed someone who knows us and Lily but also has a background in psychology. Lily was being rude, nasty, manipula

there's always tomorrow

How do I break down the contradictions in Lily's idea of who she is versus what she does and how she shows herself to be? Yesterday she told us at dinner that she is having a competition with her best friend to see who can be the most tanned this Summer. Husband and I bit our tongues and merely nodded with interest. We wanted to say: "You do know that to get a tan you have to be up when the sun is up?" or "You do know that to get a tan you have to go outside?" But it was suddenly clear to me that in her head she was a completely different person - one who jumps around beaches with lithe brown limbs and lies back on picnic rugs with sand between her toes. I remembered my own Baywatch-based alter-ego. My dream had always been to lose weight and magically change my coarse curly hair for one of those glossy bouncing pony-tails. Those kinds of daydreams are precious at any time in our lives but especially for a teenager. So it was good that Husband and I didn't

Parenting Lily

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