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Don't / Can't

I've just walked away from a potential UCA (unceasing character assassination).

The nub of the fall out was my asking her how she felt about next school year and actually going to her sixth form of choice which is a 30 minute bike ride away.  

It seems teachers have been muttering to her as well about lowering her expectations and changing her courses.

She is outraged and affronted by my suggestion that she might not go / do it and maybe needs a plan B.  I talked about the technical college which is round the corner from us.  

I am trying to communicate to her that people can plan for the future based on past experience.  It's great when there is a sudden surprise or someone suddenly does something you didn't think they were going to do (attending all her exams) but we can't rely on that.  She protested that I was saying she can't do these things and I said that wasn't what I was saying, I was saying she doesn't.  

She told me I had said she would pass all her GCSEs - I was taken aback, don't remember saying that specifically.  Wish I had jumped on the fact that if I did it was based on what she had done for mocks not some magic wand I have.  

I said it's not that you can't do something it's that you don't.

I had to emphasise this difference a couple of times as she turned what I said back to can't.

I gave the example of her room which is such a shit hole now that even she is choosing not to be in it.  She says she will sort it but she's said it since Friday and now it's Sunday.  She says I've got 12 hours, it's only 8am...I say well we can see whether you've actually done it by the time Dad and I get back from our day out.

Her answer is always that she was going to but now she won't because I've ruined her mood / caused her anxiety - she was having such a great morning, why would I say this at 8am?? blah blah blah

She started to round on me, she really doesn't understand my sudden mood changes...

(this, i think, is the rare time I venture to point out she might not be right about something rather than keeping my mouth shut or doing my best to praise and encourage her (like you will pass your GCSEs)).

Somewhere in what was (by normal standards) a brief exchange and she was saying we (me and teachers) were not allowing for the fact that she always did get whatever it was done, I was able to say that it was because we knew that eventually the world won't give just one more day, just one more day and she will run out of days.  I think she took a breath for a moment so I hope that one went in.

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